You'd think that at this point in our adventure we'd be a little paranoid, considering we had been caught red-handed trying to TP one house and then absolutely buried a second in TP after that. But noooooooo....... being the teenagers we were, we forgot all about our failure and were now pridefully gloating in our newly completed masterpiece. We didn't even think to take the side streets and shortcuts we knew to get back home. Instead, at 3AM, we chose to walk home on the main street in our neighborhood.
Yeah, this just reeks of a lesson to be learned the hard way doesn't it? Did I mention we lived in a town where the most excitement the cops had was breaking up parties on the weekends? That they were so starved for the adrenaline rush of a bust, they were almost like meth addicts prone to overreact? Ok, so now you know. See where this is going?
As we're walking back I pull out the nutterang and began throwing it at mailbox posts, stop signs, street light posts. I was pretty good at hitting my targets and the sound of the bolts made hitting the metal posts I aimed for was probably enough to wake someone up. Hmmmmm.....didn't give that much thought. On we walked.
About half-way home I heard the sound of a car coming from behind us. I looked back and noticed the familiar shape of the headlights on a Ford Crown Victoria......the type of car used exclusively by the town police department.
"What?" said G, completely unaware of what was coming.
"Dude, there's a cop coming up the street behind us."
"Oh shit!" He had that panicked tone to his voice that scared me more than the cops. I knew he had the potential to do something really stupid. "Should we run?", he asked.
"Are you fucking kidding me? Dude just chill, keep walking like nothing's happening."
At this point I realised I was carrying the nutterang. If we did get stopped and the cop saw it, I was probably gonna get put to the ground at gun-point. (That's no exaggeration. The cops in our town had a habit of doing that to kids.) I strung the nutterang through the belt loops on my jeans figuring I could just say it was my belt. I know.....I was a dumbass.
Things quickly got worse as another pair of same-shaped headlights appeared in front of us. We were boxed in. G saw the second set of headlights and now was in panic mode.
"Dude, just calm down. If they stop us we're just walkin' from your house to mine. We'll just give 'em fake names and we'll be fine."
G didn't even have a chance to respond before the first car pulled in front of us blocking our path and the second blocked us from behind. Shit!
"What are you boys doing out at this time of night?"
I didn't want G to even open his mouth so I immediately replied, "Just going to my house."
"Where were you?"
"His house," I said.
The other cop had walked up behind us and firmly grabbed each of us by the neck. I thought G was either going to piss his pants or pass out.
"Do me a favor and put your hands on the car and spread your feet." said the cop.
"We got a call that there were some peeping toms in the neighborhood tonight. You know anything about that?" said the second cop.
"Huh?" I said. Wasn't expecting that.
"What you got here?" The cop searching me found the nutterang and was pulling it off me.
As he put it on the roof of the car I tried to play it off, "Hey, you want my jeans to fall down?"
"You want me to believe that's a belt?" he said.
At this point G wasn't saying anything. I think it was taking everything he had not to start crying. What a pussy! But that was about to change.
"What's your name?" the cop asked me.
"Bill Williams", I replied.
"Really?" he answered. I found this confusing. Did I say it wierd? Why was he immediately suspicious?
"Um...yeah." was my answer. I thought I was still holding it together.
"Ok Bill, why don't you have a seat in my car and your friend can go with my partner and sit in his car."
This was not good! I knew that on his own, G stood no chance of holding it together. He was gonna crack, FUCK!!!!! But I was gonna stick to my guns. So into the back of the cruiser I went, cuffed and now feeling a little stressed.
"So is 'Bill Williams' what you're sticking with?" came the first question.
"What? Um....." At this point I realized my fatal mistake. I was wearing my team jacket from my baseball all-star team, and on the left-hand side was stitched my first name and last initial. Shit! But that just meant I needed to shift on the fly. No need to give up my real name right? "Ok, it's John Nelson." As I looked up I wasn't looking at the cop questioning me, but through his front windshield and at G in the back of the other car. Yup, he had definitely cracked and was spilling his guts.
"This is the last time I'm going to ask you, you're already looking at carrying a concealed weapon and lying to an officer," came my final warning.
At this point I decided to go with the less is more approach. I'll give him my name and hopefully we'll get a warning or something and sent on our way. (I'm laughing at myself right now as I recount this.) Name address and phone number.....all surrendered. The cop then got on the radio with his cohort in the other cruiser and at that point I realized G had told the other cop E V E R Y T H I N G........
While we were being escorted by the cops to the house we TP'd, dispatch was calling our parents to let them know what happened. After we cleaned up the mess we made we were told we were being taken back to our houses. I learned it wasn't until my parents both went to the family room and saw my rendition of the Alcatraz dummy that they believed the dispatcher. They were arguing with the lady, confident the cops had some other kid. G had it worse than me. Apparently his parents didn't hear the phone ringing and if he couldn't get his parents to come to the door when they got there, he was gonna be taken to Juvenile Hall. Luckily, they heard him pounding on the door I guess.
When the cop brought me home, my parents were up and waiting. They listened to the cop describe the details of my escapades that night quietly and politely thanked him and assured him this would never happen again. They signed my citation and we walked inside. I was sure my dad was going to beat me within in an inch of my life. But to my shock they quietly asked me to sit down on the couch. As they sat across from me I could see my mom was tearing up. I didn't realize things were about to get worse. Then out of his pocket, my father pulled out my bud-pipe.
.......stay tuned for more.......