Sunday, 8 April 2012

Silly String and Fart Spray

Ok..... so a bunch of you have been asking me to share something from my high school years. I figured what the hell, this is a blog, not a history book. Screw doing things in chronological order. You want it.... You got it.

Freshman year.... for most people this was a time of awkwardness, fear and uncertainty. For me, and a lot of other people, I made it a year to be remembered. As I started high school I was already in a band, had stopped playing sports and was involved in several...um...."recreational activities". Needless to say, the fact that I was not playing sports and was involved in nothing productive from an extracurricular perspective, my parents were a little more than concerned. My friend, and drummer in my band, was in the percussion line of the marching band and encouraged me to join. He informed me that several of our know associates were in marching band which made the road trips nothing short of a party on the road. Sign me up!

It only took a short amount of time for the leadership of the marching band to suspect that the group of us was up to no good. Maybe it was because of the tall flag girl trippin' out on acid during the middle of a parade. About half way through the parade she dropped her own flag and just kept wandering through the rest of the flag girls screaming, "Ooooohhhhh, look at all the rainbows!" Or maybe it was the time a couple of us thought it would be funny to hide the entire brass section's mouth pieces just before packing the bus for a performance. Never seen so many people nearly shit their pants all at once. When they opened their instrument cases and realised every mouthpiece was gone. Me and my two accomplices were a little bummed when they found the trash bag full of mouth pieces at the back of the luggage compartment on the bus, but we did have about an hour more fun watching them try to figure out which mouthpiece belonged to who.

We were lucky. The music teacher and chaperons were pretty certain that the trouble-makers were in the percussion line, and more specifically the three of us were the guilty ones. But they couldn't generate enough proof to convict. Sadly, they were smart enough to strategize and come up with ways to isolate us from opportunities and keep eyes on us almost all the time. But we were cunning, determined, and bored......they were screwed!

Every year our marching band made a pilgrimage to Disneyland to perform on the streets of the park. But our marching band had a dark side that had span the history of the pilgrimage. In fact, a group of our predecessors were responsible for the discovery of the real Disneyland jail the prior year. As fate would have it, this year was our turn to pick up the torch and we weren't about to disappoint.

About a week prior to the trip, me and my two accomplices made a trek to the local novelty store for supplies. Three cans of silly string, three cans of fart spray and one pack of sulphur bombs were what we decided would do the trick. We weren't sure how or when we would utilise our arsenal, we rarely planned shit out, but we were confident in our improvisational abilities. On top of that, we were pissed and that always added motivation! The chaperons had come up with a way to keep us under control, or so they thought. The bastards made us room with one of the nerdiest guys in the whole band, Tim Jesus (yes, as in the son of God). On top of that, they put us in a room next to the drum major and three section leaders. Jim, Brian and I weren't gonna have a some simp and a hand full of dorks who thought they were special kill our fun.

When we got to our room in the hotel, we had a little talk with Mr. Jesus. Now Tim was a large dude...about 5' 6" and about 275lbs. He was a whiny, pasty, feeble kind of dude. He never did anything wrong. We came to an agreement with him....um...ok....we told him that if he didn't want to get his ass kicked he'd stay out of our way and keep his mouth shut. In exchange, if we did get in trouble we agreed not to implicate him. I think he was so scared of the three of us he would've done anything we told him to.

Game on! Curfew came and we killed the lights and pulled the drapes. Our room and the drum major's room was connected by a set of double doors. Jim, Brian and I realised this would provide us a perfect opportunity to pull off a killer prank! Out came the silly sting and fart spray. We waited to the dorks in the room next door to quiet down. We quietly opened our connecting door and popped the caps on the silly string. It was time for phase one. With all three of us aiming cans face high in the doorway, I pounded on their door. It scared the shit outta them at first. Then they were pissed. They yanked open their door.... FIRE!!!! Before they could say a word they faces were blasted with silly string. The door slammed shut and you could hear them on the other side spitting it out of their mouths and cursing a swearing. Sweet! We slammed our door and locked it. We were ready for phase two. A few minutes pass and things get really quiet next door. We grab the fart spray, quietly open our door and lay flat on the ground in front of their door, fart spray cans pointed at foot level. Jim pounds on the door.

Now the idiots next door were just thinking we were gonna come at them with the silly string again. They had collected the stuff that had been shot at them and were ready for a silly string fight. Dumb-asses! They jerked their door all the way open and started throwing the silly string. At the same time we were hosing their feet, legs and room down with fart spray. Confused by the fact that we weren't standing in front of them again, it took them a minute to realise where we were and that we were spraying them down with something completely different. Again their door slams shut, and at that moment their noses inform them of what had just been done to them.

"Oh fuck!"
"What is that???"
"Holy shit!!!"
"You mother-fuckers!!!"

We immediately shut our door and locked it. We were in hysterics! Even Tim was laughing his ass off. The idiots next door were screaming like someone had thrown acid in their faces. It would calm down for a minute, and then pick up again whenever they moved and stirred up the air in the room. We began to hear the windows being opened, the bathroom fan going on and the shower going. We were laughing so hard it was hard to breathe.

It took about an hour and a half for them to finally calm down. After about fifteen minutes we heard one last thing come through the wall....

"FUCK! IT STILL SMELLS LIKE SHIT IN HERE!!!!"

The night was young.....we were amped up.....and we weren't done.....

1 comment:

  1. HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA Thank you! I SO needed this laugh tonight!!! :-D

    ReplyDelete

Note: only a member of this blog may post a comment.