Monday, 23 April 2012

Hotel Hotbox

So the commotion finally died down from the fart spray but none of us were ready to call it a night. Still amped up from the success of our prank we were wide awake. Hell, even Mr. Goodie-two-shoes Jesus was all fired up. Well until he started coughing.

Did I mention that the other three of us smoked? Um, yeah, I know I did. Well my buddy Jim and I had always loved the smell of pipe tobacco. Walking by the tobacco shop in the mall we always said we were gonna buy a couple of pipes and try it out some time, and this trip seemed like the perfect opportunity.

Jim, Brian and I had already been smoking but just cigarettes until now. We had our hotel room closed up tight. No windows open, the door closed with a towel in front of it. Our hope.....not to make it too easy for the fucking chaperons to figure out we were smoking and bust our asses. Jesus was under control, and after the earlier prank he seemed to have relaxed a little. But now was time for the pipes. Brian had no interest, and of course, neither did Jesus. So Jim and I packed our pipes full of tobacco and lit them up. I can only imaging how we.......looked like total dumb-asses. I mean really???? Who the fuck thinks tobacco pipes are cool?

What the hell, we were having fun. The damn pipes were totally hotboxing the room. Jesus was coughing his lungs out and the whole room was thick with smoke. Jesus had crawled under the covers of his bed. Now in his boxers and t-shirt I don't think he planned on surfacing until sun-up. Ten or fifteen minutes later you couldn't even see the TV through the smoke, just the light from whatever was on. That's when it happened. That ear-piercing sound that everyone hates, but knows what it is. Pulsing.....high pitched.....FUCK!!!! IT'S THE FIRE ALARM!!!!!!! Brian bolts for the bathroom, turning on the fan to try and suck out smoke. Me and Jim are on the beds trying to fan the smoke away from the detector with pillows to silence the thing, and Jesus........OH FUCK!!!! Jesus bolted from the bed when the alarm started going off and was now at the door, trying desperately to unlock it. And yes, he was in full freak-out.

"Dude!!! What are you doing??????" I shouted.
"It's the alarm, we have to evacuate!" came the reply from Jesus
"Dude, don't! You're gonna get us all busted." I said

Jim got the alarm to stop and was still fanning it with a pillow. Brian was now coming out of the bathroom and moving towards Jesus. Both of us realized that an intervention was going to be necessary, and stopping 300 lb. Jesus was gonna take both of us at the very least.

CLICK! Jesus managed to release the deadbolt, his final obstacle to opening the door. Brian and I lunged to tackle him as he swung the door open, heading onto the outside hallway. If we hadn't been the cause of it, the though of seeing a panicking 300 lb. dude in nothing but boxers and a too small shirt screaming and running through a hotel would have been a sight to see. But not this time. Brian manages to grab one of his arms and I got a solid choke hold around his neck. As we're wrestling him back inside the room I'm thinking about how bad this looks. Two dudes jumping on a 300 lb. nearly naked dude, and wrestling him into a hotel room while he's screaming..... "HEEEELLLLLLPPPP!"

Fuck! Glad no one caught that on film.

After about 30 minutes and several threats on his life, Jesus finally calmed down and agreed not to try and bolt for the door. After about an hour the room cleared. We stayed up almost all night freaking out thinking we were going to hear a knock on the door from the fire department or police, but it never came

The next morning all four of us tried to act like nothing happened the night before. But after seeing the look in our band director's eyes I knew we had been caught. We kept waiting to get pulled aside, yelled at, even forced to call our parents....but nothing like that ever happened. Maybe we were lucky. Maybe she was on watch when all this shit rolled out and she couldn't help but find it too entertaining to punish us. Or maybe it was in honor of keeping the traditions of debauchery alive. Don't think I'll ever know, and I'm not sure I want to.


  1. LOL Wasn't there a window in the room that you could have opened? HAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH

  2. Sure....the one at the front of the room, along the walk-way that all the chaperones were patroling. Had we opened that earlier in the evening they would've smelled the smoke and we would've been busted.


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